Lost and Found

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It’s happened again. I’ve fallen behind. Ridiculously behind. I visited my wonderful friend, Kristina, in Serbia, my beloved old roomie, Alex, in Germany, volunteered on a farm with a fabulous family in Ireland, and traveled half way around the world back to Minnesota [Surprise! I’m home for those of you who didn’t know!], and yet, I wrote about none of it. Sorry. I’ve been home for over a week, have remained unemployed, rarely left the house, and still haven’t updated the world wide web… Whoops. Remember when I used to have exciting excuses for not writing? Like being on a midnight train to Austria? Or prancing around Eastern Europe with my friend Victoria? These days, I’ve been avoiding writing for much less thrilling and much more depressing reasons – most notably, depression. Reverse culture shock, an overwhelming excess of free time, and the realization that I currently have no excuse to flee American society have brought me down. I’m jazzed about being back with my family and friends, but readjusting is taking some time. Please bare with me and my over dramatic writing. I’m making things out to be much worse than they really are. I’ll settle back in soon enough, I’m sure.

I’ve thought about writing everyday since I’ve been home, but I’ve had a hard time wrapping my head around it. It almost feels like if I write this post, it will officially be over. No more flights. No new countries. Friends scattered. Pictures uploaded. French bank account closed. Calls being directed towards an American phone. My blog is the last bit of the year that remains. I realize how silly it sounds, but that’s where I’m at right now. Instead of letting these things continue to drag me down, though, I decided it was time to write one last post to get my shit together, stop being a whiney pants, process my thoughts, and reflect on the year. I need to stop complaining about it being over, and start smiling because it happened. I also couldn’t just leave my faithful followers (all 16 of you) hanging like that! So here are some lists of things lost, found, learned, etc. to sum things up a bit, because who doesn’t love some youthful half-baked wisdom in list form?

Things realized/learned:

• Paris is the best. Really. I know it’s lame and cliché, but: Paris, je t’aime. Even after visiting Austria, Italy, Poland, The Czech Republic, Hungary, Serbia, Germany and Ireland, each with numerous amazing cities, Paris still remains at the top of my list. No matter how many times I’ve been there, I always find something new to see or do. It has a beauty, a vibrance, and an ambiance that has yet to be matched in my eyes.
• I’m an introvert at heart. Most of you are probably thinking, “Um… duh?” while others might be surprised. It probably depends on how long you’ve known me. My desire to be liked can bring out my sociable side making me seem outgoing and extroverted at first glance, but I’ve realized this year that I’m much more comfortable in small groups. I love interacting with people, but I’m also content spending time alone. Some long talks with Victoria helped me come around to accepting this about myself.
• Everything is bigger in America. I’ve always known this, but everything has been magnified after being away for so long. Cars. Roads. Houses. Food. Washing machines. Water glasses [pointed out by Kate]. People. The size doesn’t really bother me as much as the waste. If you want to indulge every once in awhile, great, but be aware of your consumption. I don’t want to get all preachy and tell everyone off for killing the world, but I’m pretty sick of our consumer-centric society right now.
• Meat is not for me. I broke my four and a half year streak of vegetarianism a handful of times during my travels, but I’ve decided that being meat-free wasn’t just a weird phase I went through in college. It’s something that I want to continue to live by, and I hope to encourage others to join me! It can be a little tricky in certain situations, but I feel both physically and ethically better without mammals in my body.
• Too much free time is just as bad as not having enough. I constantly used to wish for a day off when I was at Olaf, swamped with eight classes a semester, papers, exams, rehearsals, social obligations, etc., etc., but after seven months of 12 (often 7 or 8) hour work weeks and ridiculously long (and frequent) vacations, I long for the opposite. It seems to be a “grass is greener” situation. I want to be busy! Well, I want to be balanced. I work well with a lot on my plate, but not an overflowing buffet of stress. Something to work on.
• Kids are cool. Spending time with Monique’s granddaughter (5 year old Hélena), and the two little ones on the farm in Ireland (4 year old Archer and 1.5 year old Tallulah) made me realize how much I love children. The way they think and act without all of the weird social hang ups that adults have is fantastic. Not that it’s going to happen anywhere in my near future, but hanging out with these kids made me realize that maaaybe one day I’ll want to adopt my own. Maybe.
• How to ask for help. I’ve always been a very proud person, trying to do find my own way or do things without the help of others, but I realized how much easier things can be if you simply ask for directions or a helping hand. People will sometimes surprise you and offer up help even when you don’t ask for it, and it is wonderful! Like the man who saw Victoria and me looking confused in Budapest and quickly ran up to help us find our way. Or the man in Ireland who pulled over and informed me that I was trying to hitch a ride on the wrong road.
• Genuinely good people do exist. I’ve met some. American assistants, couchsurfing hosts, French friends, Irish hitchhiker hosts, just to name a few. I have some faith in humanity.

Things lost:

• Some of my obnoxious inhibitions. Like my fear of talking on the phone. I realize most people got over this when they were six, but it took me a bit longer. After making numerous calls in French this year, talking on the phone in English now seems like such a breeze. I’m even learning to enjoy it. Weird. Explaining how I want my haircut? Did it in French, no problemo. Communication skills are up!
• My yearning for approval. As much as I hate to admit it, for a large part of my life I always sought the approval of those around me, often compromising my thoughts or opinions to remain neutral and liked by everyone. I still try to be diplomatic, but I’m tired of trying to please everyone. It’s exhausting to try and make everyone like you all the time, and quite frankly, there are some people’s opinions that I could care less about. I’m happy with who I am, and my thoughts are just as good as anyone else’s. As Dr. Seuss once said,“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
• 35 pounds. How this happened, I have absolutely no idea. Ask anyone who was with me, and they will tell you that I was constantly eating my entire body weight in local cuisine and cookies. I guess walking everywhere (including to the grocery store) and not having access to an insane buffet spread everyday will have an effect on your waistline.
• Hair. Some voluntarily via trendy euro haircut, some reluctantly via male pattern baldness. With bad hair genes running rampant on both sides of my family, I’ve been fearing hair loss since I hit puberty so this is by no means a shocking upset. I’ve always cherished my hair as one of my more attractive features, so it’s been rather disheartening to see how thin my bangs have become, but I’m dealing with it and enjoying my hair while it’s still around. Anyone know of any good natural hair loss prevention techniques?
• 15+ kilos of clothing. I realized at the end of the year that I owned way too many things that I just never wore, so I donated the equivalent of an entire suitcase of clothing. My luggage was of course still super heavy, but it felt good to clear out some of the excess. I managed with one 9 kilo backpack from May 5th to June 8th, so what the heck have I been doing with all of this other stuff my whole life? Traveling light is the way to go. I’m continuing the excess purge by donating yet another giant bag of unworn clothes that I found in my bedroom this week.
• A desire to teach. Teaching isn’t really my jam. At least not with French high school kids. I had some good times with my kids, but the fun tended to be a little over shadowed by the anxiety and stress of planning lessons. I haven’t entirely dismissed education as a job option, but it’s not at the top of my career aspirations list.

Things found:

• A voice through writing. I’m not always the best for engaging conversation topics or the most articulate in front of a crowded room, but I think I’m pretty decent with a pen and paper (or a screen and keyboard if you will). Writing gives me time to reflect and plan out my word choice just so to properly express myself. It can be a little meticulous and frustrating at times, but I’m so happy I took the time to write down my thoughts throughout the year. I hope my writing has helped my readers to gain a better understanding of me and the way I think. People seem to dig it, and I dig doing it, so maybe the writing will continue!
• Confidence. See [Lost:] “Some of my inhibitions” and “My yearning for approval” above.
• Friends. This was obviously inevitable, but I didn’t realize how meaningful some of my relationships abroad would end up being to me. The first time I met all of the other assistants at our teacher orientation, I was a total B and thought I would never get along with anyone. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I met some absolutely fabulous people in Saint-Brieuc, and looking back I can’t imagine my year without them.
• Food. I’ve learned some delicious recipes and cooking tips over the past 8 months, and I want to share them with all of you! So come get in the kitchen with me and we’ll make something together! Maybe I’ll even start a food blog. Or become a pastry chef. Thoughts?
• A beard. See: flickr account.
• Frequent flyer miles. Just kidding. If only Ryanair and SNCF had miles programs. And existed in the states. I would be all up on that.
• An immense respect for teachers. I’ve always regarded teaching as a noble profession, but after planning lessons and standing in front of a group of hormonal, self-absorbed, uninterested teenagers, I see teachers in an entirely different light. Good luck to all of my friends who are pursuing k-12 education, and thank you to everyone who put up with my (and mostly my fellow classmates’) teenage antics.
• Myself. See: all of the above. I’m constantly learning more about myself and realizing how much I am always changing, but being away helped me gain a sense of self-awareness that I never had before.

Things I miss about France/Europe:

• Sounds. Sights. Smells. Tastes. Being surrounded by Francophones. Charlie’s meow. Church bells marking the hour. The odd tritone used for emergency vehicle alarms. Market days. Galettes. Café terraces with 1€ espressos. Intricate architecture. Monuments all over the place. Striking landscapes. The sea. Bakeries. The cheese aisle at U Express. Our sunny yellow kitchen. Rainy/sunny/rainy/sunny/rainy days and the rainbows and sunsets they produce. Cheap wine that doesn’t taste like vinegar. Salted butter.
• Fresh baguettes. There is an amazing bakery on every street in France. There is approximately one amazing bakery per State. One of my life goals is to perfect the baking of une baguette de tradition. Once you’ve eaten french bread, there’s no going back.
• Public transport. The facility of navigating European cities puts metro transit to shame. Cars aren’t obligatory like they are stateside, partially because everything is much closer, but mostly because bus, train and metro systems are so much more efficient over seas! Also, I am a terrible driver highly dislike driving, so I’m all about public transport.  It makes so much more sense both economically and ecologically to share rides, but America can’t seem to get behind that. I’ll never understand why not.
• Global mentality and open minds.  In comparison with the French, Americans are incredibly self-centered and close-minded. I’m making a sweeping generalization here, obviously, but on the whole it seems to be true. We rarely focus on world news, and half of us couldn’t tell the difference between Iraq and Iran. Conservative Republicans don’t exist en masse and people are always fighting for change. I have some faith left in the progressive minds of my generation, especially in places like Minnesota, but other parts of the country worry me a bit. As long as Mitt Romney stays out of the white house, I think I’ll be okay.

Things I will be fine without:

• Restrictive hours. While I understand and respect the French ideal of giving store owners time to rest, everything closing at 7:30pm and ceasing to exist at all on Sundays did get rather annoying at times. Like 8:30pm on a Friday night and you realize you’ve run out of booze milk and can’t make macaroni and cheese. 24/7 supermarkets are a little insane, but they can be quite nice to have around every once in a while.
• Elderly roommates. Don’t get me wrong, I love René from the bottom of my heart and I am eternally grateful for everything he has done for me, but sometimes living with an obsessive compulsive 70 year old Frenchman was a little frustrating. He is an amazing person, but twenty-somethings and seventy-somethings don’t always see eye to eye. If I had to do it all over again, I would definitely still chose to live at 9 rue Chateaubriand, but I’m not planning on rooming with any other senior citizens in the near future.
• Smoke. I’ve never been one to hate on smokers, but oh my gawd do Europeans know how to suck down a pack of cigarettes. I’m all about letting people do what they want, but it’s nice to be back in a place where you have to step outside to take a puff.
• French t.v./radio. It’s awful. They tend to take all of the bad parts of American television and music and leave out all of the good parts. It’s amazing how few true French t.v. shows, movies and musicians actually exist.

I’m sure there are other things I should/could/would like to add to these lists, but my brain is feeling drained. I’ve been working on these lists on and off for nearly 12 hours now, and I can think no more. The lists may change slightly over the next few days if anything else pops into my head, but that’s all she wrote for now. Thanks for reading y’all. It’s been real. A million and one bisous to everyone who’s kept up with my European exploits over the past eight months, and a million and one bisous even to those who haven’t. I love you all to Europe and back.

xoxoxo Stephen

Disparate Youth

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Remember that time I had a blog? I do. Do you? I wouldn’t be surprised if you happened to forget about it over my past three and a half week absence. It’s not necessarily that I haven’t had the time to write, but more that the thought of writing has become incredibly overwhelming each day I don’t write. There were so many stories and adventures to share from my Eastern European adventure with Victoria that I didn’t even know where to start! Since we got back two Saturdays ago, I’ve had the best intentions of writing, but there has just been crazy amounts of activities and so much planning an preparation going on leaving me no time to sit down and blabber on about my life. The days pass by quickly, and the sun in Bretagne is insanely deceptive. Sunset has been consistently holding out until 9:30 or later over the past month or so which has continued to blow my mind and throw me completely off balance.

Anyway, in a pathetic and lazy attempt to assuage any resentment you may have towards me for not writing about Poland, the Czech Republic, and Hungary, I’m providing you with the following cinematic masterpieces: video updates that Victoria recorded during our trip! To be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t actually watched them since I despise the sound of my own voice, but from what I remember of recording them, they’re a pretty decent (and mildly comedic?) recap of what we did. Please enjoy and accept them as the best I can do right now. Also, there are PLENTY of pictures on facebook! (I’ll try and post some on here later for anyone who happens to not be my fb-friend)

Jumpin around Euroland!

In other news, Kate has come to visit me! I’ve been kind of a booger of a host since I’ve been stressed with planning the rest of my trips/figure out my life… For example, I’m writing on my blog right now instead of spending time with her. I’m the worst, and I know it. We’ve been doing our best to have a good time though! Listening to k-pop, watching 90s movies, eating lots of delicious foods. We’re also going to try and get out a little the rest of the week, seeing some more typically “Bretagne” things like Ile-de-Bréhat and Rennes (to also conveniently return my cello). We’ll see what happens.

Also, my travel plans are almost finalized! Thank the lawd. I’ve been a giant ball of stress trying to figure it all out. My rough plan is as follows:

• May 5th to the 8th: Paris
• May 8th to the 10th: Budapest (again!)
• May 10th to 15th: Belgrade with my lovely friend Kristina!
• May 15th to 21st: Germany (cities TBD) to visit my roomie Alex!
• May 21st to June 6th: WWOOFing in Ireland (city/farm TBD)
• June 6th to June 8th: Paris
• June 8th: MINNEAPOLIS! Yes! My trip home has finally been planned!

I’m excited for all of these things, but already a little tired out just thinking about it all. Part of me is jealous of the other assistants who are already heading home this week, but I know I would regret not taking advantage of my time left in Europe. It’s going to be great, and coming home will surely be oh so lovely after my last month away.

Two Weeks

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Two weeks. That’s all that rests of my obligations as an English teaching assistant. One week on either side of my upcoming two week Easter vacation. Um… how is this possible!? The past six months have slipped away so quickly. Some days it feels like I’ve been here forever, and others it feels like I just arrived. I’ll likely still be in Europe for the next two or three months (depending on what happens with some summer job applications), but this time will no doubt pass by just as quickly. I’m feeling a bit conflicted about the imminent end of my year abroad, but I’m mostly at ease with the idea. Giving up extravagant European adventures, delicious French cuisine, and my twelve hour work week won’t be easy, but I am very much ready to see family and friends again. But enough about that for now. There is still time, and I plan to make the most of it!

It’s also been two weeks (and a few days) since I started my new photography project. It’s crazy to think that I’m only on day 18 of 365, but I’m pleased with how it’s been going so far. I’ve been discovering a lot about my camera, photoshop, and myself.

Day 12

Day 13: Spring has sprung

Day 14: Day trip to the beautiful Ile de Bréhat

Day 15: The aftermath of a sunny day on the island, sans sunscreen

Day 16: levitating in the backyard

Day 17: Feets

Celebrating Erinn's birthday with a bbq chez moi

Day 18: APRIL FOOLS! I TRICKED YOU! I'M NOT ACTUALLY NAKED!

Bisous bisous

Feisty, Dark Narcissism

Why am I feeling so feisty? So dark? So narcissistic? All good questions, each with a good answer!

First of all, the feistiness is a result of seeing the one and only Leslie Feist, a.k.a. FEIST, this past Thursday night at Le Transbordeur in Lyon with Anna and Daniel! Let me tell you, that girl can jam. I had always just thought of her as an eloquent lyricist with an amazing voice, but as it turns out, she is also a kick ass guitarist with wonderful stage presence. Much of her stage banter was sadly lost on the subdued francophone crowd, but she got a lot of giggles and appreciation when she attempted to speak French. Her nearly two hour set was beautiful from start to finish, mixing the old with the new, and the somber with the dancey. She also brought along the group Mountain Man to sing backup for her, and they made some fabulous harmonies to fill in the tracks. If you ever get a chance to see her live, I would most highly recommend it. You will not be disappointed!

My feisty mood is closely linked to my dark mood. While I was in Lyon, I also got to see Minnesotan band Dark Dark Dark at the Marché Gare! It was an interesting venue, resembling a small theater in an old elementary school. Because of it’s small size, it was also extreeeeeeeemely hot, but it was worth it for the music. If you don’t know them, you should, because even France knows about them. Seriously, I could not believe how many French fans they have! I also could not believe how incredibly unenthusiastic their banjo/clarinet player was about having fellow Minnesotans in the audience… Kate, Anna, Daniel and I went up to talk with the band at the merchandise table afterward, and were rather underwhelmed by his, “Oh, you’re from Minnesota?” He then turned away and started talking to someone else. Feeling a little dejected, I stole a poster off the wall, and we left trying to pretend that humiliating situation didn’t happen. At least the music was good.

Finally, I’ve been feeling rather narcissistic as a result of my 365 project. As I mentioned before starting, I was a little hesitant about starting this slightly daunting task, but I’ve been thoroughly enjoying it thus far! Following the advice of my good friend and fellow blogger Clara suggested, I’ve decided to post the pictures in weekly installments every Sunday. This way, I can avoid obnoxiously overposting, and you can all see what I’ve been up to each week! If you really can’t wait for the end of the week, however, I will be doing my best to add them to my flickr as they are taken. Since I started the project on Thursday the 15th and didn’t want to post just 4 photos, there will be a few extras this week. Lucky you, getting to see so many pix of meee!

Day 1

Day 2: Rediscovering the joys of reading!

Day 3: Beach plans ruined by rain.

Day 3 continued: Rain turns into sun, once it is of course too late to go to the beach.

Day 4: Canker sores won't stop attacking my mouth. It's killing me.

Day 4 continued: The sun came and stayed among delicious clouds.

Day 5

Day 5: Charlie crashed my photo shoot. A welcomed distraction.

Day 6: Computer addict.

Day 7: Walking around Lyon, relying on my camera phone.

Day 8: Stretching in Kate's apartment.

Day 9: Still feeling giddy the day after Feist!

Day 9 continued: Visiting Fouvière in Lyon

Day 9 continued: beautiful budding blossoms!

Day 10: MACARONS

Day 10: Kate - disappointing macaron flavor choices.

Day 10: Dark Dark Dark

Day 11: Sad to leave Lyon, but pleased by the clear skies

Well that’s all for now, folks. Time for me to make up some lesson plans, aka games. Bisous, bisous!

Come Wind, Come Rain

Song of the day: “Come wind, come rain” by Vashti Bunyan

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Last night, as I tossed and turned in bed, I decided I needed to start a new project. Something to give focus to my free time, to busy my idle hands and idle mind. There are hundreds of unfulfilled intentions floating around in my mind at any given moment, and seldom do I actually act upon them. But today was different. Spring is in the air, and I’m ready for new things!

Today, I took the first step in a photography project that I’ve been thinking about doing for quite some time: A 365 Day Portrait Project. It’s by no means a unique endeavor, but an interesting challenge nonetheless. If you’ve ever browsed around “Flickr” (or any other photo-sharing site) you have undoubtedly seen examples of this type of undertaking, some much better than others. For those of you unfamiliar, the concept is simple: take at least one picture of yourself every single day for 365 days, otherwise known as a year [minus February 29th]. It’s an interesting way to see yourself in new ways, document your life/surroundings, push your creative boundaries, and force yourself to take out your camera more often.

I’ve been waiting for the right moment to start, but I realized today that waiting was silly and senseless. What was I waiting for? A new beginning? A new month? A new year? A new setting? I’ve already had all of these things come and go within the past year, and yet I’ve failed to seize these opportunities to start my project. So today I said goodbye to waiting. The Ides of March is as good a time as any, right? Plus, I have been watching an inane amount of America’s Next Top Model with Victoria over the past week or so, and it’s been making me want to take pictures (and buy new clothes) like crazy.

Without further ado, here is numero uno:

Waiting? I'm over it

I haven’t decided whether or not I’ll be posting them here everyday, but they will definitely be available for viewing on my flickr photostream. Depends on how interesting they end up being I suppose!

In addition to my self-portraits, I’m going to try and take at least one photo of some other part of my day as well. A place I visit, someone I spend time with, something delicious I eat, and so on and so forth. My time in France is quickly disappearing, and I want to document it!

Today’s photo: MY NEW LIBRARY CARD!

Having fun, isn't hard, when you've got a library card!

Why it has taken me nearly six months to get my ass to the library, I have no idea. Ridiculous. I’ve had so much free time to read, yet I’ve only made it through three books since I got to France. Also, there are about 2350984608236 books I should/want to read. Leave it on the internet and reality television to turn my brain to mush. While I’m sure my t.v. addiction will not cease, I’m going to do my best to break up t.v. streaks with books from now on. I’m pumped to start checking out books and movies again! Today I found:

1. Fresh et Bio: a vegetarian/organic cook book with some delish looking recettes
2. Paris: a film by  Cederic Klapisch (director of L’Auberge Espagnole)
3. Une forme de vie and Acide sulfurique: two novels by Belgium author Amélie Nothomb, the first of which I’m already halfway done with, thanks to a lovely afternoon spent reading in the grass.

I was also lucky enough to end my day with a skype call from my dear friend, Sarah G. We caught up, of course, but more importantly, we made faces at each other. As it turns out, Sarah’s nose does a great mushroom impression.

q.t.p.2.t.

All in all, today was a good day. Bisous bisous! xoxoxo