Lost and Found

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It’s happened again. I’ve fallen behind. Ridiculously behind. I visited my wonderful friend, Kristina, in Serbia, my beloved old roomie, Alex, in Germany, volunteered on a farm with a fabulous family in Ireland, and traveled half way around the world back to Minnesota [Surprise! I’m home for those of you who didn’t know!], and yet, I wrote about none of it. Sorry. I’ve been home for over a week, have remained unemployed, rarely left the house, and still haven’t updated the world wide web… Whoops. Remember when I used to have exciting excuses for not writing? Like being on a midnight train to Austria? Or prancing around Eastern Europe with my friend Victoria? These days, I’ve been avoiding writing for much less thrilling and much more depressing reasons – most notably, depression. Reverse culture shock, an overwhelming excess of free time, and the realization that I currently have no excuse to flee American society have brought me down. I’m jazzed about being back with my family and friends, but readjusting is taking some time. Please bare with me and my over dramatic writing. I’m making things out to be much worse than they really are. I’ll settle back in soon enough, I’m sure.

I’ve thought about writing everyday since I’ve been home, but I’ve had a hard time wrapping my head around it. It almost feels like if I write this post, it will officially be over. No more flights. No new countries. Friends scattered. Pictures uploaded. French bank account closed. Calls being directed towards an American phone. My blog is the last bit of the year that remains. I realize how silly it sounds, but that’s where I’m at right now. Instead of letting these things continue to drag me down, though, I decided it was time to write one last post to get my shit together, stop being a whiney pants, process my thoughts, and reflect on the year. I need to stop complaining about it being over, and start smiling because it happened. I also couldn’t just leave my faithful followers (all 16 of you) hanging like that! So here are some lists of things lost, found, learned, etc. to sum things up a bit, because who doesn’t love some youthful half-baked wisdom in list form?

Things realized/learned:

• Paris is the best. Really. I know it’s lame and cliché, but: Paris, je t’aime. Even after visiting Austria, Italy, Poland, The Czech Republic, Hungary, Serbia, Germany and Ireland, each with numerous amazing cities, Paris still remains at the top of my list. No matter how many times I’ve been there, I always find something new to see or do. It has a beauty, a vibrance, and an ambiance that has yet to be matched in my eyes.
• I’m an introvert at heart. Most of you are probably thinking, “Um… duh?” while others might be surprised. It probably depends on how long you’ve known me. My desire to be liked can bring out my sociable side making me seem outgoing and extroverted at first glance, but I’ve realized this year that I’m much more comfortable in small groups. I love interacting with people, but I’m also content spending time alone. Some long talks with Victoria helped me come around to accepting this about myself.
• Everything is bigger in America. I’ve always known this, but everything has been magnified after being away for so long. Cars. Roads. Houses. Food. Washing machines. Water glasses [pointed out by Kate]. People. The size doesn’t really bother me as much as the waste. If you want to indulge every once in awhile, great, but be aware of your consumption. I don’t want to get all preachy and tell everyone off for killing the world, but I’m pretty sick of our consumer-centric society right now.
• Meat is not for me. I broke my four and a half year streak of vegetarianism a handful of times during my travels, but I’ve decided that being meat-free wasn’t just a weird phase I went through in college. It’s something that I want to continue to live by, and I hope to encourage others to join me! It can be a little tricky in certain situations, but I feel both physically and ethically better without mammals in my body.
• Too much free time is just as bad as not having enough. I constantly used to wish for a day off when I was at Olaf, swamped with eight classes a semester, papers, exams, rehearsals, social obligations, etc., etc., but after seven months of 12 (often 7 or 8) hour work weeks and ridiculously long (and frequent) vacations, I long for the opposite. It seems to be a “grass is greener” situation. I want to be busy! Well, I want to be balanced. I work well with a lot on my plate, but not an overflowing buffet of stress. Something to work on.
• Kids are cool. Spending time with Monique’s granddaughter (5 year old Hélena), and the two little ones on the farm in Ireland (4 year old Archer and 1.5 year old Tallulah) made me realize how much I love children. The way they think and act without all of the weird social hang ups that adults have is fantastic. Not that it’s going to happen anywhere in my near future, but hanging out with these kids made me realize that maaaybe one day I’ll want to adopt my own. Maybe.
• How to ask for help. I’ve always been a very proud person, trying to do find my own way or do things without the help of others, but I realized how much easier things can be if you simply ask for directions or a helping hand. People will sometimes surprise you and offer up help even when you don’t ask for it, and it is wonderful! Like the man who saw Victoria and me looking confused in Budapest and quickly ran up to help us find our way. Or the man in Ireland who pulled over and informed me that I was trying to hitch a ride on the wrong road.
• Genuinely good people do exist. I’ve met some. American assistants, couchsurfing hosts, French friends, Irish hitchhiker hosts, just to name a few. I have some faith in humanity.

Things lost:

• Some of my obnoxious inhibitions. Like my fear of talking on the phone. I realize most people got over this when they were six, but it took me a bit longer. After making numerous calls in French this year, talking on the phone in English now seems like such a breeze. I’m even learning to enjoy it. Weird. Explaining how I want my haircut? Did it in French, no problemo. Communication skills are up!
• My yearning for approval. As much as I hate to admit it, for a large part of my life I always sought the approval of those around me, often compromising my thoughts or opinions to remain neutral and liked by everyone. I still try to be diplomatic, but I’m tired of trying to please everyone. It’s exhausting to try and make everyone like you all the time, and quite frankly, there are some people’s opinions that I could care less about. I’m happy with who I am, and my thoughts are just as good as anyone else’s. As Dr. Seuss once said,“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
• 35 pounds. How this happened, I have absolutely no idea. Ask anyone who was with me, and they will tell you that I was constantly eating my entire body weight in local cuisine and cookies. I guess walking everywhere (including to the grocery store) and not having access to an insane buffet spread everyday will have an effect on your waistline.
• Hair. Some voluntarily via trendy euro haircut, some reluctantly via male pattern baldness. With bad hair genes running rampant on both sides of my family, I’ve been fearing hair loss since I hit puberty so this is by no means a shocking upset. I’ve always cherished my hair as one of my more attractive features, so it’s been rather disheartening to see how thin my bangs have become, but I’m dealing with it and enjoying my hair while it’s still around. Anyone know of any good natural hair loss prevention techniques?
• 15+ kilos of clothing. I realized at the end of the year that I owned way too many things that I just never wore, so I donated the equivalent of an entire suitcase of clothing. My luggage was of course still super heavy, but it felt good to clear out some of the excess. I managed with one 9 kilo backpack from May 5th to June 8th, so what the heck have I been doing with all of this other stuff my whole life? Traveling light is the way to go. I’m continuing the excess purge by donating yet another giant bag of unworn clothes that I found in my bedroom this week.
• A desire to teach. Teaching isn’t really my jam. At least not with French high school kids. I had some good times with my kids, but the fun tended to be a little over shadowed by the anxiety and stress of planning lessons. I haven’t entirely dismissed education as a job option, but it’s not at the top of my career aspirations list.

Things found:

• A voice through writing. I’m not always the best for engaging conversation topics or the most articulate in front of a crowded room, but I think I’m pretty decent with a pen and paper (or a screen and keyboard if you will). Writing gives me time to reflect and plan out my word choice just so to properly express myself. It can be a little meticulous and frustrating at times, but I’m so happy I took the time to write down my thoughts throughout the year. I hope my writing has helped my readers to gain a better understanding of me and the way I think. People seem to dig it, and I dig doing it, so maybe the writing will continue!
• Confidence. See [Lost:] “Some of my inhibitions” and “My yearning for approval” above.
• Friends. This was obviously inevitable, but I didn’t realize how meaningful some of my relationships abroad would end up being to me. The first time I met all of the other assistants at our teacher orientation, I was a total B and thought I would never get along with anyone. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I met some absolutely fabulous people in Saint-Brieuc, and looking back I can’t imagine my year without them.
• Food. I’ve learned some delicious recipes and cooking tips over the past 8 months, and I want to share them with all of you! So come get in the kitchen with me and we’ll make something together! Maybe I’ll even start a food blog. Or become a pastry chef. Thoughts?
• A beard. See: flickr account.
• Frequent flyer miles. Just kidding. If only Ryanair and SNCF had miles programs. And existed in the states. I would be all up on that.
• An immense respect for teachers. I’ve always regarded teaching as a noble profession, but after planning lessons and standing in front of a group of hormonal, self-absorbed, uninterested teenagers, I see teachers in an entirely different light. Good luck to all of my friends who are pursuing k-12 education, and thank you to everyone who put up with my (and mostly my fellow classmates’) teenage antics.
• Myself. See: all of the above. I’m constantly learning more about myself and realizing how much I am always changing, but being away helped me gain a sense of self-awareness that I never had before.

Things I miss about France/Europe:

• Sounds. Sights. Smells. Tastes. Being surrounded by Francophones. Charlie’s meow. Church bells marking the hour. The odd tritone used for emergency vehicle alarms. Market days. Galettes. Café terraces with 1€ espressos. Intricate architecture. Monuments all over the place. Striking landscapes. The sea. Bakeries. The cheese aisle at U Express. Our sunny yellow kitchen. Rainy/sunny/rainy/sunny/rainy days and the rainbows and sunsets they produce. Cheap wine that doesn’t taste like vinegar. Salted butter.
• Fresh baguettes. There is an amazing bakery on every street in France. There is approximately one amazing bakery per State. One of my life goals is to perfect the baking of une baguette de tradition. Once you’ve eaten french bread, there’s no going back.
• Public transport. The facility of navigating European cities puts metro transit to shame. Cars aren’t obligatory like they are stateside, partially because everything is much closer, but mostly because bus, train and metro systems are so much more efficient over seas! Also, I am a terrible driver highly dislike driving, so I’m all about public transport.  It makes so much more sense both economically and ecologically to share rides, but America can’t seem to get behind that. I’ll never understand why not.
• Global mentality and open minds.  In comparison with the French, Americans are incredibly self-centered and close-minded. I’m making a sweeping generalization here, obviously, but on the whole it seems to be true. We rarely focus on world news, and half of us couldn’t tell the difference between Iraq and Iran. Conservative Republicans don’t exist en masse and people are always fighting for change. I have some faith left in the progressive minds of my generation, especially in places like Minnesota, but other parts of the country worry me a bit. As long as Mitt Romney stays out of the white house, I think I’ll be okay.

Things I will be fine without:

• Restrictive hours. While I understand and respect the French ideal of giving store owners time to rest, everything closing at 7:30pm and ceasing to exist at all on Sundays did get rather annoying at times. Like 8:30pm on a Friday night and you realize you’ve run out of booze milk and can’t make macaroni and cheese. 24/7 supermarkets are a little insane, but they can be quite nice to have around every once in a while.
• Elderly roommates. Don’t get me wrong, I love René from the bottom of my heart and I am eternally grateful for everything he has done for me, but sometimes living with an obsessive compulsive 70 year old Frenchman was a little frustrating. He is an amazing person, but twenty-somethings and seventy-somethings don’t always see eye to eye. If I had to do it all over again, I would definitely still chose to live at 9 rue Chateaubriand, but I’m not planning on rooming with any other senior citizens in the near future.
• Smoke. I’ve never been one to hate on smokers, but oh my gawd do Europeans know how to suck down a pack of cigarettes. I’m all about letting people do what they want, but it’s nice to be back in a place where you have to step outside to take a puff.
• French t.v./radio. It’s awful. They tend to take all of the bad parts of American television and music and leave out all of the good parts. It’s amazing how few true French t.v. shows, movies and musicians actually exist.

I’m sure there are other things I should/could/would like to add to these lists, but my brain is feeling drained. I’ve been working on these lists on and off for nearly 12 hours now, and I can think no more. The lists may change slightly over the next few days if anything else pops into my head, but that’s all she wrote for now. Thanks for reading y’all. It’s been real. A million and one bisous to everyone who’s kept up with my European exploits over the past eight months, and a million and one bisous even to those who haven’t. I love you all to Europe and back.

xoxoxo Stephen

Disparate Youth

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Remember that time I had a blog? I do. Do you? I wouldn’t be surprised if you happened to forget about it over my past three and a half week absence. It’s not necessarily that I haven’t had the time to write, but more that the thought of writing has become incredibly overwhelming each day I don’t write. There were so many stories and adventures to share from my Eastern European adventure with Victoria that I didn’t even know where to start! Since we got back two Saturdays ago, I’ve had the best intentions of writing, but there has just been crazy amounts of activities and so much planning an preparation going on leaving me no time to sit down and blabber on about my life. The days pass by quickly, and the sun in Bretagne is insanely deceptive. Sunset has been consistently holding out until 9:30 or later over the past month or so which has continued to blow my mind and throw me completely off balance.

Anyway, in a pathetic and lazy attempt to assuage any resentment you may have towards me for not writing about Poland, the Czech Republic, and Hungary, I’m providing you with the following cinematic masterpieces: video updates that Victoria recorded during our trip! To be perfectly honest with you, I haven’t actually watched them since I despise the sound of my own voice, but from what I remember of recording them, they’re a pretty decent (and mildly comedic?) recap of what we did. Please enjoy and accept them as the best I can do right now. Also, there are PLENTY of pictures on facebook! (I’ll try and post some on here later for anyone who happens to not be my fb-friend)

Jumpin around Euroland!

In other news, Kate has come to visit me! I’ve been kind of a booger of a host since I’ve been stressed with planning the rest of my trips/figure out my life… For example, I’m writing on my blog right now instead of spending time with her. I’m the worst, and I know it. We’ve been doing our best to have a good time though! Listening to k-pop, watching 90s movies, eating lots of delicious foods. We’re also going to try and get out a little the rest of the week, seeing some more typically “Bretagne” things like Ile-de-Bréhat and Rennes (to also conveniently return my cello). We’ll see what happens.

Also, my travel plans are almost finalized! Thank the lawd. I’ve been a giant ball of stress trying to figure it all out. My rough plan is as follows:

• May 5th to the 8th: Paris
• May 8th to the 10th: Budapest (again!)
• May 10th to 15th: Belgrade with my lovely friend Kristina!
• May 15th to 21st: Germany (cities TBD) to visit my roomie Alex!
• May 21st to June 6th: WWOOFing in Ireland (city/farm TBD)
• June 6th to June 8th: Paris
• June 8th: MINNEAPOLIS! Yes! My trip home has finally been planned!

I’m excited for all of these things, but already a little tired out just thinking about it all. Part of me is jealous of the other assistants who are already heading home this week, but I know I would regret not taking advantage of my time left in Europe. It’s going to be great, and coming home will surely be oh so lovely after my last month away.

Dark Blue/Grey

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I’m not sure what my problem is today, but I for the life of me cannot finish the simple task of packing my one tiny little suitcase for my Eastern European adventure. I washed and folded all of my clothes earlier this week. I neatly arranged all of my options on my bed between classes this morning. So why can’t I just pick out what I want and put it in that damn purple bag?! One of my main hang ups seems to be choosing between my dark blue and my light grey jeans. This is probably the dumbest problem anyone has ever had. It seems to be symbolic of my life: easy and comfortable but often made “difficult” by trivial choices that I often overanalyze. My indecisiveness is clearly one of my more attractive qualities.

It’s also probably somewhat the result of my current “limbo” state of being. Not knowing when I’ll be heading home. Not knowing if I’ll be hired for the most amazing summer job of my life. Having absolutely no backup to said wonderful summer job. Having no future projections past said wonderful summer job. Feeling so unbelievably ready to be done with teaching and return to Minnesota/feeling an overwhelming surge of jealousy at the sight of five friends posting joyful facebook statuses of their acceptance as teaching assistants for the fall. Wanting to go out and enjoy the last Friday before vacation/wanting to stay in to shake off the lasting dregs of yet another cold. Flurgh. Boy needs to get it together.

On a much happier note… I’M GOING TO POLAND TOMORROW AND I COULD NOT BE MORE JAZZED! My friend Victoria and I have planned a stellar tour of Poland, the Czech Republic, and Hungary, mostly with the intent to make headlines by running all of Eastern Europe into a terrible food crisis by eating anything and everything they have to offer. Watch out Slavs – one dynamic digestion duo is coming for your provisions. As Tina Fey so aptly described Slavic food in her book Bossypants (which I highly recommend you read/listen to on audiobook) “… it’s buttery and delicious. It’s just potatoes, rice, meat, and cabbage in an endless series of combinations.” I fully intend to eat my entire body weight in pierogi. Every night. This may actually be possible since Eastern European currency is worth approximately nothing compared to the Euro. It’s going to be fabulously gluttonous, and I can’t wait!

Because of this wonderful 13 day voyage, I probably won’t be posting anything new until I get back. At that point, be ready for me to lay it on thick. Like Polish butter thick. Or thin if all we end up doing is eating and I have nothing else to describe but the appetizing confections I have consumed. Since I’ll be missing two photo sundays, I’m going to get a head start and show you what I’ve been up to over the past five days (I had to retype that 4 times to keep myself from saying “fast pive days”). It hasn’t been a whole lot since I caught myself  a lovely cold on Sunday and have been pretty bummed about the fact that Alex had to head home to Germany on Wednesday… That being said, here are some pix for your viewing displeasure:

Day 19: sick and sleepy

Day 20: sickness continued. my ever so lovely tonsils.

Day 21: Alex left today. The house feels rather empty without her here. Bisous ma chérie!

Day 22: Day trip to Binic. Taken with the assistance of Kate P!

Day 23: sunny afternoon spent reading "Le Neveu Du Magicien" by C.S. Lewis in my favorite reading tree

Must go to sleep now! Travel day tomorrow! Bisous xoxoxoxoxoxo

P.S. For those of your concerned, I decided on the dark blue over the grey.

Come Wind, Come Rain

Song of the day: “Come wind, come rain” by Vashti Bunyan

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Last night, as I tossed and turned in bed, I decided I needed to start a new project. Something to give focus to my free time, to busy my idle hands and idle mind. There are hundreds of unfulfilled intentions floating around in my mind at any given moment, and seldom do I actually act upon them. But today was different. Spring is in the air, and I’m ready for new things!

Today, I took the first step in a photography project that I’ve been thinking about doing for quite some time: A 365 Day Portrait Project. It’s by no means a unique endeavor, but an interesting challenge nonetheless. If you’ve ever browsed around “Flickr” (or any other photo-sharing site) you have undoubtedly seen examples of this type of undertaking, some much better than others. For those of you unfamiliar, the concept is simple: take at least one picture of yourself every single day for 365 days, otherwise known as a year [minus February 29th]. It’s an interesting way to see yourself in new ways, document your life/surroundings, push your creative boundaries, and force yourself to take out your camera more often.

I’ve been waiting for the right moment to start, but I realized today that waiting was silly and senseless. What was I waiting for? A new beginning? A new month? A new year? A new setting? I’ve already had all of these things come and go within the past year, and yet I’ve failed to seize these opportunities to start my project. So today I said goodbye to waiting. The Ides of March is as good a time as any, right? Plus, I have been watching an inane amount of America’s Next Top Model with Victoria over the past week or so, and it’s been making me want to take pictures (and buy new clothes) like crazy.

Without further ado, here is numero uno:

Waiting? I'm over it

I haven’t decided whether or not I’ll be posting them here everyday, but they will definitely be available for viewing on my flickr photostream. Depends on how interesting they end up being I suppose!

In addition to my self-portraits, I’m going to try and take at least one photo of some other part of my day as well. A place I visit, someone I spend time with, something delicious I eat, and so on and so forth. My time in France is quickly disappearing, and I want to document it!

Today’s photo: MY NEW LIBRARY CARD!

Having fun, isn't hard, when you've got a library card!

Why it has taken me nearly six months to get my ass to the library, I have no idea. Ridiculous. I’ve had so much free time to read, yet I’ve only made it through three books since I got to France. Also, there are about 2350984608236 books I should/want to read. Leave it on the internet and reality television to turn my brain to mush. While I’m sure my t.v. addiction will not cease, I’m going to do my best to break up t.v. streaks with books from now on. I’m pumped to start checking out books and movies again! Today I found:

1. Fresh et Bio: a vegetarian/organic cook book with some delish looking recettes
2. Paris: a film by  Cederic Klapisch (director of L’Auberge Espagnole)
3. Une forme de vie and Acide sulfurique: two novels by Belgium author Amélie Nothomb, the first of which I’m already halfway done with, thanks to a lovely afternoon spent reading in the grass.

I was also lucky enough to end my day with a skype call from my dear friend, Sarah G. We caught up, of course, but more importantly, we made faces at each other. As it turns out, Sarah’s nose does a great mushroom impression.

q.t.p.2.t.

All in all, today was a good day. Bisous bisous! xoxoxo

The most lucky

As I mentioned before, I have finally settled into my new home, which is a beautiful, beautiful thing. I’m not sure how I managed it, but I somehow ended up with the best situation one could hope for from the teaching program. Seriously. It’s the bomb. I am living in a gorgeous row house with two wonderful housemates and a landlord who is more like a grandfather than a property owner. Basically, I am ridiculously lucky. Even though French society and government are super centralized, the teaching program is kind of a disjointed, shit show, grab bag. School assignments and housing arrangements vary greatly from region to region, and even from person to person. Other assistants are lodged in austere school dormitories, or worse, left to roam the streets until they can find a place to rent with little to no help from their host teachers. I, however, had to do nothing other than buy my train ticket and walk into a fab set-up.

Three stories tall, with a wooden spiral staircase to connect the levels, 9 rue Chateaubriand is the epitome of a charming French home.  The ground floor is shared space with a living room, dining room, and a fully equipped kitchen that leads out to our patio. René resides on the second floor, and Alex, Phelicia and I each have a room up on the top floor. Since I was the first to arrive, I had my choice of the three rooms. I ended up choosing the smallest room at the end of the hallway thanks to its huge window that overlooks the garden and lends well to watching sunsets. Definitely worth sparing the extra 5m² in my opinion. As soon as I get my camera battery back (I was an idiot and left it charging in Rennes), I will upload some pictures of the house so you can see for yourselves how wonderful it is!

Upon my arrival on Wednesday night, my landlord, René, had a veritable feast waiting for me in the back garden. We chatted and drank wine until midnight, and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly my French came back to me after a Summer without using it. Since that first night, my housemates and I have continued to be spoiled by our new French grandpa: elaborate breakfast spreads, day trips to St. Malo and Mont-St-Michel, help with setting up our bank accounts and filling out paperwork… He is one of the kindest people I have ever met, and I am immensely grateful to be living with him.

My roommates are also the best. Phelicia comes from Jamaica. She loves reality t.v. and Beyoncé, so we are obvi going to be besties. Alexandra hails from Deutschland, but you would never know it when she is speaking French because she is a baller when it comes to foreign languages. She’s super genuine, adventurous, great to talk to, and a ton of fun. So pumped to get to know both of them better this year!

Well, I think that’s about it for now. Orientation from 9:30 to 5 tomorrow, so I should probably get to bed sooner rather than later. To be completely honest, I’m probably going to watch last week’s Glee first, so I’d better start tout de suite!

Bisous