For the past week or so, I’ve been wanting to add a new post to keep up with a resolution to write more. The problem is, nothing blog worthy has really happened as of late, leaving me with a lack of words, and a longing for something to happen. I’ve been hesitant to write, worrying that anything would be dull in comparison to my Austrian adventures. Seems likely that this may well be the case. But in recent days, I’ve come to terms with this humdrum reality and thought I would take this chance to be honest with myself about my state of being by being honest will all of you. I’m constantly inspired by the unabashed sincerity in my dear friend Clara’s blog, and I feel like it’s time to open up and take a little break from my sugar coated tales of European life.
You see, I’ve hit a bit of a mid-winter slump. The term “mid-winter” seems somewhat inappropriate since the temperature hasn’t been below 45° F all week, but it is mid-January after all. I guess it’s more of a mid-year slump, really. So I present you with a series of whiney unreasonable complaints causes for said slumpiness:
The holidays are over, and the lights have been taken down leaving the streets of Saint-Brieuc drab and lifeless. The infamous French “soldes” (January sales) have begun, which would normally be cause for celebration, but I’m broke from my extravagant Christmas which makes the sales depressing instead of joyous. I work less in a month than most people work in a week, but the few hours that I’m actually teaching tend to be supplemented by many more hours of stress outside of school spent worrying over lesson plans and how my kids will be behave. I want to bake, but I stop myself out of fear of gaining more butter weight. Lord knows I already consume more than a reasonable number of calories in wine and beer since the other assistants and I lack originality in our methods of entertainment. I have intentions of being productive with my excessive free time, but the rainy weather blurs the days together and tires me out so that the only “productive” things I end up doing are finishing seasons of T.V. shows, eating, and putting my dirty clothes in the hamper (but not actually washing them). And while I’ve met wonderful people here, it still doesn’t make up for the fact that I miss everyone stateside. It also doesn’t excuse the fact that I’ve been pretty damn awful at keeping in touch with many of you, another resolution that needs resolving.
I do indeed love France, but its charm has faded a bit, and the novelty of being here has begun to dissipate. I by no means want to idly wish away the rest of my time here, but rather I want to find ways to profit from the quickly disappearing months that still rest. I want to find a presence in this present, thanks again to Clara. When my visa runs out in six months, I want to look back at my time here knowing that I didn’t waste it. I’ve already had some life changing experiences, and I want them to keep on coming. This slump needs to end, and I need to get back to living and experiencing things with fresh and excited eyes.
One of the biggest obstacles that’s been keeping me from being alive in the present is my lack of foresight. One of my most important New Year’s resolutions was to figure out what I’ll be doing when teaching is up, but I’ve yet to bring this goal to fruition. I don’t intend to figure out a life plan or anything, but it would put my mind at ease if I at least figured out the next step. When I started work, the end of my contract seemed so far ahead that I didn’t dare think about my next move. Truth is, April 30th is approaching faster than I’d care to admit to myself. Renewing my teaching contract is a tempting option, but I’ve been trying to weigh out the pros and cons of this theoretical situation. On the plus side, I’d love to stay here, I could keep working on my French, the hours are great, the pay is decent considering the workload, I wouldn’t have to look for work elsewhere, and I could keep traveling. On the other hand, I would have to wait until May or later to find out if there’s a position for me, I would probably have to find some crap job to fill the three or four month gap between teaching contracts, I could be placed in a shitty school in a tiny town, I hate how stressed out I get about teaching, I miss my friends and family, and I would more or less just be putting off finding an actual job and/or continuing my education… Hmm. Decisions. I’m not the best at them. I guess I need to figure out what some other possible options before I decide anything, though. Let me know if you’ve got any thoughts, dear readers!
Well it’s getting late here in Franceland, and I have to get up before the sun tomorrow… Bed time for me!
Bisous
From St. Olaf to Saint-Brieuc 
Merci beaucoup for your honesty, Steve! You’re not alone in your worries – I’m still trying what to figure out “what’s next” and feeling the post-holiday droop 100%, but I love what you said about needing to live and experience things with fresh and excited eyes, even if it’s not all fabulous, all the time. Fantastic advice for all of us feeling a bit direction-less in this super weird, transition-y stage of life. xo
Oh, beautifully and unabashedly spoken, both of you! The post-holiday slump is a worldwide phenom so no worries being caught in it, business has been sllloowww because of that. ANYWAY, I firmly believe that recognizing a slump and the things keeping you in it is the first step to pulling out of it, and more importantly, pulling out of a slump is the most rewarding, important way to learn about yourself and your life. So, bon voyage dear wonderful comrades!
So good to know that I’m not alone in my woes 🙂 Yay for 21st century post-grad problems! We’ll all figure it out soon enough I’m sure. Hopefully what we figure out will involve one another in some way! xoxo
i am on the same wavelength right now, its hard when routine sets in and novelty wears off (in any situation) and its hard to be innovative when you dont have the most money but i think this might be the hardest month, especially since we didnt go home and we spent most of our money while we were here hahahaha but when we get paid next month i think its about time we start coming up with some things we really want to take advantage of, like horsey riding or playing in the forest, especially since we live in one of the most beautiful areas for nature and doing naturey things in france and so when the weather gets better we will only be able to enjoy it more and more.
always here for you, but i think once we can break away from routine things get better
p.s. sorry to creep your blog post but it came up on facebook and caught my eye and i thought i would respond
❤
Definitely a good point, my dear! I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. We will have to take advantage of all things fun once we get paid/once Bank of America stops screwing you over (Bue de Bobian hahahaha sorry to laugh at your expense, but it never ceases to be funny).
I’m glad you creeped on my blog, boo 🙂 It’s here to be read! ❤
As a fellow Minnesotan, I will say what I always used to say to the assistants when I lived in Bretagne – if you haven’t gotten everything you wanted to get out of your time in France, “real life” will always be there waiting for you later on. Plus, when else in your life will you be able to just hop over to another country for the weekend?
On the flip side, if you’ve accomplished everything you wanted to accomplish while in France, then you can move on with a clean conscious and some great memories.